Giving You The Look

Think Before You Breed

Those who choose to be childless often have to justify their decision. People who procreate don’t. But it should be the other way around.

“The question whether to have children is of course prudential in part; it’s concerned about what is or is not in one’s own interests. But it is also an ethical question, for it is about whether to bring a person (in some cases more than one person) into existence — and that person cannot, by the very nature of the situation, give consent to being brought into existence.”

“If we fail to acknowledge that the decision of whether to parent or not is a real choice that has ethical import, then we are treating childbearing as a mere expression of biological destiny. Instead of seeing having children as something that women do, we will continue to see it as something that simply happens to women, or as something that is merely “natural” and animal-like.”

“The choice to have children calls for more careful justification and thought than the choice not to have children because procreation creates a dependent, needy, and vulnerable human being whose future may be at risk. The individual who chooses childlessness takes the ethically less risky path. After all, nonexistent people can’t suffer from not being created. They do not have an entitlement to come into existence, and we do not owe it to them to bring them into existence. But once children do exist, we incur serious responsibilities to them.”

“The genuinely unselfish life plan may at least sometimes be the choice not to have children, especially in the case of individuals who would otherwise procreate merely to adhere to tradition, to please others, to conform to gender conventions, or to benefit themselves out of the inappropriate expectation that children will fix their problems. Children are neither human pets nor little therapists.”

Why many young women are putting their careers on pause to have children | News | National Post

A culture of self-actualization, which seems to value personal gratification above all, is emphasized in this generation, making the concept of raising a child seem preposterous to many.

Why Have Kids? Exposing The Motherhood Paradox

‘In her new book Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness, Valenti exposes a growing disconnect between the fantasy and reality of modern motherhood. The founder of popular feminist blog, Feministing.com, equates parenting today—with all its expectations of perfection and overwhelming happiness—with Betty Friedan’s “problem that has no name,” identified in The Feminine Mystique. Parenting, she says, is at once idealized and trivialized. Women are considered the default parent, yet are judged at every turn: for not having kids, for when they have kids, for how they parent the kids they have. The result? “It’s making us miserable,” says Valenti.’

Is Having A Child A Rational Decision? : NPR

Commentator Tania Lombrozo considers a controversial new paper which argues that decisions about whether to have a child of your own are rarely rational.

“It’s important to note that Paul isn’t assuming that having a child is so wonderful and fulfilling that someone without children simply couldn’t comprehend a parent’s child-induced bliss. In fact, having a child could make someone miserable. Paul’s point is precisely that you cannot knowwhat the experience of having your own child will be like until you experience it, whether the experience is positive, negative or somewhere in between. This is the sense in which having a child is an epistemically-transformative experience: it puts you in a position of access to knowledge that you didn’t have before.”

Caitlin Flanagan on Sheryl Sandberg: What About the Children?

“Here is the inescapable truth: To “lean in” to one thing is to “lean away” from something else. If there remain some businesswomen who choose to put their children over their careers — who would rather work at a diminished job because they find in child rearing something more valuable and significant than, say, investment banking — we might not be witnesses to a national tragedy. We might instead find evidence of some of the best impulses of the human spirit.”

Why Sheryl Sandberg Matters for Real Women

“We admire men for all these differences. We applaud their distinction; we don’t wrinkle our noses at the word “ambitious” when it applies to them. We celebrate girls with these qualities — do all we can to raise our daughters to be mini-Sandbergs — and yet we punish women who show their strengths, and, god forbid, enjoy them too openly.”

Jacob Davenport » 20 Reasons Not to Have Children and 10 Reasons to Have Children

Stop Telling Me I’ll “Change My Mind” About Wanting Kids

“Why is it okay to impose on women sole responsibility for population growth (or decline — I’m looking at you, China), to label a childfree woman “selfish,” and then to insist that she just doesn’t know what she’s talking about and will eventually come around to a more rational line of thinking? I have never once sidled up to a group of moms watching their sweet little toddlers playing on the swing set, nodded knowingly and announced, “Believe me, you’ll change your mind.” I know enough to know that children are not like hair color, or college majors, or other things you can just “change your mind” about. Having a child is a lifetime commitment, the biggest one you can possibly make. It’s great that some women are so sure about wanting children, but I don’t think I’m cut out for raising a kid. If people are so convinced that I’ve made the wrong choice and will change my mind, what’s to prevent me from changing my mind back after I have a child?”